Measures of Success

I thought I would take the last week of December to review the year about to pass. If you are anything like me and prefer to postpone things till the expiry date, you know that this strategy rarely works. It did not this time either. I spent most of the month worrying about my husband who had an urgent operation, until I started worrying about myself and a strange flu that knocked me down. As I don’t have much time for the end-of-year retrospection, I will be brief.

2013 was a successful year. How do I know? Well, there are many measures. For instance, people tell me. A good friend emailed me the other day noting “the professional success I have achieved”. She is right. I have met my financial goals for the year. I have served many amazing people at my Istanbul cooking classes and food walks. I have launched Istanbul Breakfast Club that immediately became popular. I have joined forces with a strong partner to co-hold a countryside cooking and photography workshop. I have been featured in the leading national and international publications.

Now, all these are very tangible things. Those that I have learned to be vocal about despite my Soviet upbringing that encourages understatement in personal achievements (knowing deep inside that you are better than anybody; talk about inferiority complex). Because of that very upbringing I consider writing an elevator speech for my mom: despite knowing every detail of my culinary venture in Istanbul she is still telling people that I am tour guiding, and people who know me from years ago sigh “What a waste!” Maybe that’s exactly why I’ve learned to emphasize the tangible things. Not to put shame on my mom. To look legitimate to anyone who wonders, however vain their curiosity is.

But you know what? This month I have shared a Facebook post that defies gravity: it had no link and no photo unlike the posts that do best on Facebook. I wrote only this: “How do you know your cooking class went well? When the participants hug you before parting ways!” The reaction of the page fans made it one of the best-performing posts this month. And why? Because it talks about a universal measure of success: it is real, it is human and it is something that you and me interpret in the same way, even if you and me might cross the road and bake differently.

There was another event this year that also made me think of success. It was a TripAdvisor mob created by a competitor. After I was able to tame down my frustrations and take action, I started seeing the mob as a personal success. First, if somebody in the industry perceives me threateningly successful, probably I am. Second and most importantly, I got an overwhelming support from my community online and in the real life: the competitor’s attack helped me build stronger relationships with people who matter to me. What a success!

Success is a word loaded with testosterone. It is an alpha-male word. There any many of those alpha-guys out there, defining the rules of doing business, blogging and living. I follow a whole bunch on Twitter, and I read many of their blogs. I used to leverage their advice to the point of frustration: next to their bravado I was feeling such a failure.

However much I tried I could not bring myself up to plant submission forms all over my website and then terrorize my readers and clients with the email campaigns offering them products and services they don’t need. I failed in the productivity department too as I could not make a good use of mornings (most productive time of the day!), too many of which I spent on the leisurely breakfasts with my Turkish family. This probably puts me miles away from productivity. But very close to feeling happy, grateful and yes - successful. It has occurred to me that many other female entrepreneurs feel the same way about the testosterone-driven definitions, and perhaps the world needs different measures of success we could live by.

My measure of success in 2013 was knowing what keeps me going and being able to tap in those resources. In big parts that meant attracting right clients, meaningfully growing my community and meeting inspiring people in the real life. And because I felt charged most of the 2013, the year was a success. Thank you so much for being a part!